so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
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The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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