my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
