My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
