I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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