I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
