i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
