So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
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Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
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How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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