Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize