I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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