You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
