theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
