Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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