Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
