You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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