Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
