Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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