well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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