So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
