I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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