It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
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The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
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Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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