I am puke
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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