Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
being pregnant is like rehab
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
