this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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