life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
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