I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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