I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
