I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
