So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
