Small penises have feelings too.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
