Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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