Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
