Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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