the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Holy shit dude........stairs
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
