Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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