Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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