He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I have post one night stand depression
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