Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
