You're so nebulous sometimes
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
