Who did Billy Mays play for?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
