i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
