Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
