Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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