my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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