I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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