Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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