the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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