She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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