I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
