good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
