Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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