just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
