Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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