Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So much Jack, so little girl.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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