The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
