Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
