I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
