Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
