Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
