your parents love me but you hate me
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
