He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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