I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
