the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
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It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
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I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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