so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
