Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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