The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
