i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
