we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
