I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
