She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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