SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
