Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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