Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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