Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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