Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
