I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
