Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
