There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
