Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
