You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
