if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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