going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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