My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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