You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Randomize
