So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
