is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
