so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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