Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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