How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
