at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
