Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
