3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
